Spelling Out Life... with money

i think I shall start my blog post with some bible verse. :) Not to show how holy I am as a person, but to remind myself about Him for I've been such a forgetful daughter of His.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!

I hereby, Joy, still am finding putting behind lust of flesh a huge struggle. Lust of money is one of it. (I'll speak more about other lusts some other time)

Lust of money somehow places me on a pedestal of how vulnerable I am without it, rather than faith itself. I honestly say the level of commitment in my current relationship is also based on it. Not to say that I'm like Paris Hilton or anak Dato' that spends on Guess, Charles and Keith or Coach products every month, but I still wish that The BF have a secure income and provide me a security of stable finance monthly. I guess it's a typical girl thing to hope for stability in finance and not lose out on current trends huh?

Until last wednesday, someone challenged me to see beyond financial stability on this earth. Brother Mark and his wife ministered to us tremendously, i might add, that commitment to love and grow for His glory as a couple should be the ultimate goal for the The BF and I, because only then, the phrase "for better and for worst" will make sense to both of us. Won't it be weird if one says to be together forever, for the better part of life but not long down the road, he/she flees when the worst time aka family breakdown happened? If financial stability is the key that makes me hold on to him and HIM, instead of THE GOAL, I guess I failed as a partner and as a Christian believer. Never worship anything else other than HIM alone.

hmmm.. Writing this down is really breaking parts of my heart and I know why. Financial stability has been one of the cores in my life and it's not easy to let it go and see how far God will bring me.

...God, I'm sorry. :'(

It's unimaginably hard, God. Not being able to have what others may have, being scared that I'll learn to compare my married life with others', being scared that I'll not be happy just to have You in my life.

"...What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"

I'm sorry Lord. Teach me again. Bring me back to You. For I really don't want to forfeit my soul over earthly stability and lose You as my Father. Teach me to be glad in You in any sorts of financial breakdown. Teach me to be close to You, I pray, amen.

"...What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?"

Joy, what good is it to lose your soul? Have you not learnt that My ways are not of the world's? Have you not remembered that My ways are beyond the fears that you carry? Let not you lose your footings in this world and forget My providence and grace that is extended to you through Jesus Christ. Let you not forget the faithfulness I've given you for the past days of your life. Let you not forget of the blessings I've given you for the past days of your life. Let not you forget of the love I've given to you through Lord Jesus Christ. Let not you forget My Words for they are true and alive, and I know you remember each and every thing that I've shown you. and I know you remember them now. Count every blessings and multiply them by ten, that's how big is My love for you in your future. I'll never leave you nor forsake you. Call upon my name and I'm here with you. Emmanuel, Abba Father.

amen.

Spelling Out Life... with More Responsibilities

Matthew 25:14-30 (New Living Translation)

Parable of the Three Servants

¹⁴ “Again, the Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a man going on a long trip. He called together his servants and entrusted his money to them while he was gone. ¹⁵ He gave five bags of silver^[a] to one, two bags of silver to another, and one bag of silver to the last—dividing it in proportion to their abilities. He then left on his trip.

¹⁶ “The servant who received the five bags of silver began to invest the money and earned five more. ¹⁷ The servant with two bags of silver also went to work and earned two more. ¹⁸ But the servant who received the one bag of silver dug a hole in the ground and hid the master’s money.

¹⁹ “After a long time their master returned from his trip and called them to give an account of how they had used his money. ²⁰ The servant to whom he had entrusted the five bags of silver came forward with five more and said, ‘Master, you gave me five bags of silver to invest, and I have earned five more.’

²¹ “The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!^[b]’

²² “The servant who had received the two bags of silver came forward and said, ‘Master, you gave me two bags of silver to invest, and I have earned two more.’

²³ “The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’

²⁴ “Then the servant with the one bag of silver came and said, ‘Master, I knew you were a harsh man, harvesting crops you didn’t plant and gathering crops you didn’t cultivate. ²⁵ I was afraid I would lose your money, so I hid it in the earth. Look, here is your money back.’

²⁶ “But the master replied, ‘You wicked and lazy servant! If you knew I harvested crops I didn’t plant and gathered crops I didn’t cultivate, ²⁷ why didn’t you deposit my money in the bank? At least I could have gotten some interest on it.’

²⁸ “Then he ordered, ‘Take the money from this servant, and give it to the one with the ten bags of silver. ²⁹ To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away. ³⁰ Now throw this useless servant into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

at times like this, somehow I know that God teaching me a lot of new responsibilities for my future growth. I know not what are they for but for now, I'm taking the role of leadership and teaching.

As the new semester takes place in September, 2 new responsibilities are added in, compared to last year. I honestly do not know how I'll handle my time and my mind. Time management is not my forte but I guess I have to learn to separate what's important and what's not.

Lord Lord, all that I ask for is Your only Hand to carry me through.

I believe that all the work that You've given me is a blessing instead of burden.

In jesus name, I can do all these.

Amen.

Spelling Out Life... with Cinderella Dream

she walks through in a cave,

she saw two dresses and she had the instruction of wearing the blue dress,

to her surprise, she saw beautiful blue gems appearing before her! :)

she follows the blue gems trail in that cave that lead her to happiness.

when she wakes up from her nap,

she saw the possibilities of trusting the blue gems around her.

yet, when she fell asleep the second time,

she dreamt of the same cave again,

this time, the same instruction appeared, but she took the red dress.

She was hoping to see the blue gems to lead her out again,

but to her dismay, she was wrong.

the blue gems turned into burning red shiny spikes and she grew scared!

she followed it and it led her to destruction.

the angels at the end questioned her, "have I not asked you to listen? come now, wake up and learn."

She woke up startled.

and I realized I woke up too.

Spelling Out Life... with a Dream

nightmares, what do you do when you had one?

Sigh. This morning, as I was praying, I was reminded of a nightmare I once had, around end of last year, to be exact... I questioned what good will it bring to me? I got scared and cried, so what good will it possibly bring?

I dreamt about my city or was it a city not of my own, being hit by a tsunami. It was a city. Yes, tsunami. I dreamt that I was stuck in a traffic jam on a hill and I ended up coming out of the car because it's not moving. I recalled my friends were with me and we ran all the way to the top of the hill! It wasn't a great thing to experience. I really felt as if I was there. But the weird thing was, it happened twice and I ran towards a different hill. Have you seen this one particular movie where it was about this president got shot but the whole thing is witnessed from different perspectives? It was exactly alike. Somehow I saw this tsunami happening twice but at a different angle when I saw it the second time.

Sigh. Lord, Lord, help me with the dreams you have planted in me. I don't get why. I really wish You can teach me.

Spelling Out Life... with being in love?

Lord, I know i'm in this stupid state of having head over heels on that guy. Honestly Lord, I don't know what to do but PLEASE guard my heart and his. Let us not rush into anything at all. Make me single for the next 5 years or so until I know what is in my heart and his, IF he's the right one. Haih. I'm not worried about relationship anymore but rather worried of myself. Keep me safe in Your hands oh Lord and uh, keep my eyes on You alone for now. Let that guy grow in you as well before making him thinking into something big.

Lord, everything You did to us was rather scary in a sense that I've never been put in that kind of situation before. You gave me the same thought that You've placed in his heart. You gave me the same conviction that You've placed in his heart... You placed them right in our hearts, right on the same day but just different moments. I really don't know why did You do that! It's scary yet mysterious in so many ways! LOL. But then kan God, whatever it is, let everything I do now, I surrender them unto Your hands. I'm scared Lord.

I don't know if this is a good thing but I want to see more of You in this period of life. Guide me through. I'm excited but I know You make everything else happens before this so that I'll come to this phase... Question is why? Why?

"Trust Me, Joy"

Spelling out Life... with Door Open

i hate vulnerability.

But

i know i need to do it.

you would understand, i know you would.

Spelling Out Life... with a Broken yet Hopeful Heart

"Most of all, God has a desire to bless you with spiritual power from heaven-the authority, ability, and opportunity to do something beyond your imagination."

God... I'm broken inside now. Actually, I don't. I just think that I am.. Hrmm..

I find comfort in Your name. I find peace in Your name. I find gratefulness in Your name.

I'm just down today. You know very well, why.

I don't blame you for it. but I know You made it happened for a reason.

At the end of the day, I think You want me to focus on my family.

They are the ones who stood by my craziest stupidest times.

I love him, God. Please watch over him.

Give him strength, peace and joy throughout the days.

Give his family the same peace, joy and strength too, Lord.

You know our cry or our happy times.

I think I know You reign above all.

I know it's all for Your glory...

although it breaks our hearts.

it breaks our hearts.

but You're still a God that is faithful and full of wonder.

:)

God, it breaks our hearts badly. sigh.

this is for you, uncle Jo.

I love you so much.

xx

your foolish niece

Spelling Out Life... with Isrealites

For God so love the world that He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ,

that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but has eternal live.

John 3:16

Hrmm.. I don't know why I'm including that in this post but I have a feeling it will somehow relate to the ideas I'm about to speak of.

anyhow,

As I spent time to read the news for the first time in SO many weeks. Hahahaha, I think I found the perfect story to write on today, that is the allegation Anwar made on a company name APCO Worldwide.

For your reading pleasure, Click Here.

From my minute view, I think it's unfair to judge anyone from the Israel la, just because of the Zionist' works. The fact that many are Jews although they ARE NOT from Israel makes Anwar's poor judgement stumbles. By not cooperating with any links with the Jews will make our country crashes to its core. Just because of an uncivilized group aka Zionist, who started off the bad stuff, doesn't make the whole clan evil. Stop your childish thoughts la. If you hate the Israelites so much, be my guest, stop using all the american products, that includes in your BMW, MERCEDES, Apple product, Sony Vaio, HP pc, Nokia phones, Acer Products, Samsung products etc. If only you and your family stop using these American products your whole entire life, I'll be glad to not talk about this issues.

The fact that TITAS (Tamadun Islam dan Tamadun Asia Tenggara), a subject in UKM, taught every students to speak of ZIONIST is very unfair as well. This subject is trying to project the thoughts of "hey, look at this, they are wrong. they are evil. they are meant to be secluded by everyone in the world.". LOOK AT YOURSELF first, I beg you. If God could give away Jesus to carry the your sin and my sin, why can't you give away your hatred to love these people? Why? Don't you claim that you ought to love one another and said to have all the 'brotherhood' love all along? Then, why is your love so bias that it cannot reach out to the Israelites? I'm sorry to say this, you are lacking of love, I assume. You are lacking something deep within. Wonder why.

To all Malaysians, if God place you in this country to serve, don't find faults in other ministries/countries/parties because He never put you here to speak of hurtful stuff about others. Instead, learn from their mistakes and improvise. :)

Serve with faithfulness, grow in love and strive for your best.

only then you see this country grows.

Play your part. :)

Spelling Out Life... with Foreigner-Racist

I find MOST Malaysians are racist, which include myself.

Where is the fairness in human rights when foreigners come to work in Malaysia?

If the people are Bangladeshi, is it easier to report badly about them in the news?

I guess, having corruption within our country is AN okay thing.

I guess, bribing policemen when you got summoned is an okay thing.

I guess it is just an easy OKAY thing to do.

The Sessions Court here acquitted and discharged a Bangladeshi contractor of a charge of bribing a police officer seven years ago. - The Star

I find it bullshit la. EVERY DAY EVERYONE bribe the police if possibilities appear! YOU, dear PDRM, need to check your own department! Why are you of such power have such low integrity?? Yet, when it comes to a foreigner bribing, EVERYONE go hoohaa over it! SO MUCH OF kettle calling the pot black!

Not only that. The Ministry of Health too, is giving problems to foreign workers! Yes, yes, "Rakyat didahulukan, Pencapaian Diutamakan" but that doesn't make you neglect the foreign workers! I went to the hospital the other day, a Bangladeshi guy was in comatose yet NOBODY did anything! you know why? NOBODY came to be in charge of him! The doctor couldn't do anything and EXPECTED the guy to heal by himself! WTH?????????!!!!!!!!! i mean, for goodness sake, YOU ARE THE FREAKING DOCTOR! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO HELP! YOU ARE ASSIGNED TO ASSIST THE SICK! YOU STUDIED 7YEARS OF CRAPS JUST TO WALK AROUND AND ASSIST THE LOCAL PEOPLE who apparently are with their friends and relatives! this guy only has ONE friend, that is a guy from the same kampung only. He himself doesn't even know his rights in this country... where is the fairness in all these?? i mean, no offense to those who are working as doctors. The doctors present on that day were happily chatting with one another......................... laugh all you want. you hold his life in your hands, why can't you take chances in doing a miracle in people like these? They need their life back yet, The doctor was FREAKING annoying! "why do you want to know?? you are not even his friends!" wth? Calling yourself a doctor now? check your heart if it is even there. yes yes, there must be rules to follow. But there's always a way to get through it if you have the will, you know... There's a thing call you DOING an adoption, being guardian, ever wonder that through your head? there's a thing call pestering the higher administration to help him. there's a thing call wisdom, if u have any. there's a thing call hospital funds, if you forget that. i wonder where did all these go when you laugh your day through without performing any operation on the guy. JUST BECAUSE he IS a Bangladeshi. Racist much.

"oohhh... don't go near these places. there are many of them there. they'll rape you"

"don't speak to them... they always have bad intentions wan.. don't trust them at all"

"just watch out. it's a dangerous place. they'll pick pocket and rob you."

till then.

xoxo

Spelling Out Life... with Car Accident

Just so you know,

I just had my first encounter of accident

with myself involved, that is, in my ENTIRE life.

I'm good now.

OH, i'm not hurt.

But he was.

:(

The best thing of all,

Christ was there all the while!!!

If Christ didn't let me take BSMM courses for 2 semesters,

the guy would have been in bad condition.

If Christ didn't give me the rational thinking to cover the wound on the head,

the guy would have tons of blood loss.

If Christ didn't take over me and let me stay calm and rational the whole time,

I would just cry and be a wuss there.

If Christ didn't let the Holy Spirit to calm the guy down,

he would have been going berserk.

(but he didn't, after i hold his wrist and prayed for him. :) )

But Christ knows,

He knows I'm able to go through all these,

He knows,

I would cry and climb back up.

He knows,

I was not going through this alone the whole.

He knows

that all these happened for a reason.

it is for His glory.

although this is a dangerous encounter.

LOL.

xoxo,

please drive carefully.

I'm still emotionally traumatized.

HAAHAHAHAHHAHHA.

dont laugh.

=.=

Spelling Out Life... With an Adventure to Come

OLLAAAA!!

Just want to update everyone that I'm going to TRAVEL internationally ALONE!!!!
FOR THE FIRST TIME!


*jumping happily*
ahahahhahahaha..

Trip 1: KL - Singapore (11 Nov Late noon)




Trip 2: Singapore - Melbourne (11 Nov Night)






Trip 3: Melbourne - Sydney (12 Nov Morning)





OHHHHHHH NO!! hahhahahahaha

Ever imagine that one day, you are entrusted with your passport, your visa and your luggage and *poof* you travel internationally alone. for the first time. a few thousand miles away from home just to spend time with your Beloved Sister.

Muahahahaha.. Anyhu, people have done that before. So now it's my turn! :D




CAN'T WAIT TILL MY PAPER ENDS ON 11NOV MORNING!!

will update you my 1st Singapore trip. :D





Till Then,

XOXO

Spelling Out Life... With a Thought of Two

Life is indeed a love story.
You live because God loves you so much.
You live because He gave Jesus to die for your sins.
You live because He planned it well and good for you.
You live because He lives in you.

What more love story would we want?

There's a girl I know, she is always there to give people a tight bear hug and the warmest biggest grin. She once told me, "You know what, this world needs love. I think we should show it more often." So, reluctantly I just flow along to what she requested me to do. Hands down, it was the best thing I could do for the people around me -- the joy seen on their faces, delightful and pleasing. The one day, I chattered with her "Hey, you could possibly be the best mother and a wife to somebody. Just want you to know that." All she could reply was "Hrmm... Maybe I would. But I don't believe in marriage. Sometimes, you just know the heart that you have on the sleeve can just lose itself from the string and fall off. And at that moment, you'll get nothing in return." Ouch... I know. I tried to console her over and over but she never listens. She was scared and is still fear of commitment... And yes, she did told me that she liked this guy and said how he could be perfect for her, godly enough to bring her to God yet earthly enough to be her best friend, lover and a soulmate for life... But deep down, she knew she's just a friend to him. I tried to convince to her "It's okay. Only time will tell." Sigh. Sometimes, I wish I can tell that to myself. Hahahaha. At the mean time, let us just grow and share the love, like her. Who knows, we might just leave footprints in others' lives without knowing it. Who knows, we might just learn to let things go in the midst of giving love out. Who knows.

Anyway folks, sometimes love is there for people, sometimes love may not appear to us clearly. But love is always there, waiting for us, when we actually wait on it. Be still and know He is god. wait for love. wait for Him. because He is Love.

So, what's your love story?

Spilling out of Words,
XOXO

Spelling Out Life... With Short Summary Sem 1 2009/2010

For Semester 1 in UKM

I've been involved in:

1. BSMM - Learnt a lot. Somehow my brain is finally disciplined, a lil. :D
- My team got 2nd in the presentation for Simulasi in Kuantan. Random dance,
singing, and acting on Sometimes, Britney Spears.
- I got the Overall Best Participant award by the BSMM officers. LOL. Didnt expect it
at all!
- I emcee for the Majlis Perasmian BR of KTHO.
- In charge of Technical Department

2. Debate - Learnt to make TONS of friends outside education fac/PERKEB/college! :D
- Learnt to speak up. although I SOMEHOW MISSED A LOT OF TRAINING. urgh.
- I just dont get why I have the desire to stay put when I can't even attend most
trainings!
- Joined Debate VC-Cup Tournament

3. College's Activities - Convo week Business stuff.
- Pantun Competition
- Help in Bakti Siswa
- Pengarah for Lateral Thinking
- Help in MAP under Protocol
- Emcee during MMP
- Drama team got 3rd place in Inter-college Drama Competition


4. PERKEB - First time worship lead in PERKEB, on 15 Oct 2009.
- My team's performance during F.O.C got number 1! lol.
- Leading the Publicity department for MK 2010.
- Meet a lot of great people!

5. Faculty - Joined Pantun Competition
- Have awesome bunch of classmates.



9 out of 10 are my first time doing them. :D But ALL glory to Him who brought all these to make me grow, stronger. Thank Him for His grace and joy throughout the DOWNS n ups. lol. :D He's forever awesome.

Spilling Out of Words,

xoxo