Spelling Out Life... with money

i think I shall start my blog post with some bible verse. :) Not to show how holy I am as a person, but to remind myself about Him for I've been such a forgetful daughter of His.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!

I hereby, Joy, still am finding putting behind lust of flesh a huge struggle. Lust of money is one of it. (I'll speak more about other lusts some other time)

Lust of money somehow places me on a pedestal of how vulnerable I am without it, rather than faith itself. I honestly say the level of commitment in my current relationship is also based on it. Not to say that I'm like Paris Hilton or anak Dato' that spends on Guess, Charles and Keith or Coach products every month, but I still wish that The BF have a secure income and provide me a security of stable finance monthly. I guess it's a typical girl thing to hope for stability in finance and not lose out on current trends huh?

Until last wednesday, someone challenged me to see beyond financial stability on this earth. Brother Mark and his wife ministered to us tremendously, i might add, that commitment to love and grow for His glory as a couple should be the ultimate goal for the The BF and I, because only then, the phrase "for better and for worst" will make sense to both of us. Won't it be weird if one says to be together forever, for the better part of life but not long down the road, he/she flees when the worst time aka family breakdown happened? If financial stability is the key that makes me hold on to him and HIM, instead of THE GOAL, I guess I failed as a partner and as a Christian believer. Never worship anything else other than HIM alone.

hmmm.. Writing this down is really breaking parts of my heart and I know why. Financial stability has been one of the cores in my life and it's not easy to let it go and see how far God will bring me.

...God, I'm sorry. :'(

It's unimaginably hard, God. Not being able to have what others may have, being scared that I'll learn to compare my married life with others', being scared that I'll not be happy just to have You in my life.

"...What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"

I'm sorry Lord. Teach me again. Bring me back to You. For I really don't want to forfeit my soul over earthly stability and lose You as my Father. Teach me to be glad in You in any sorts of financial breakdown. Teach me to be close to You, I pray, amen.

"...What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?"

Joy, what good is it to lose your soul? Have you not learnt that My ways are not of the world's? Have you not remembered that My ways are beyond the fears that you carry? Let not you lose your footings in this world and forget My providence and grace that is extended to you through Jesus Christ. Let you not forget the faithfulness I've given you for the past days of your life. Let you not forget of the blessings I've given you for the past days of your life. Let not you forget of the love I've given to you through Lord Jesus Christ. Let not you forget My Words for they are true and alive, and I know you remember each and every thing that I've shown you. and I know you remember them now. Count every blessings and multiply them by ten, that's how big is My love for you in your future. I'll never leave you nor forsake you. Call upon my name and I'm here with you. Emmanuel, Abba Father.

amen.