Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Spelling Out Life... Even in My Mess

god is kind to me. Today in NC, He taught me to rest and know that He's in control. :)

I cried and i slept. So now, i find being sad and sorry for letting go is nonsense already. I give up feeling sorry.

I'll move on. Today, thank you for everything, Lord. :)

"dont you know you're beautiful?"

Spelling Out Life... With Mistakes

by making one mistake of letting something or someone i love go, i figure i lose a lot that come with it. For instance, trust and attention from those whom are close to this thing.

I'm no perfect reference anymore..

I'm good at spoiling friendships aren't i?

I hope you're happy.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Spelling Out Life.. With Low Self Esteem

I'm down. I miss God. I miss having my quiet time. I miss fellowships. Therefore i feel low. I feel stupid. I feel shallow. I feel like a fool. I miss Daddy God. I wanna cry.

I find Indonesians have better hospitality than Malaysians.

Spelling Out Life... With The Best

I've been that stupid lately. I prayed to God that He'll make me wise and also a woman of Proverb 31. Guess what? I failed all the while! I only do stupid stuff which in the end hurt many people or myself! I only start to cook lately and some of the food suck. Big time. I only start to learn to pick up the stupid entrepreneurship class and badly pray that I pass. I only start to dress decently, less cleavage, lol. I only start to pick up responsibility to tidy things up without being told. I only start to be sensitive to other's needs.. I only start to share with people now.. Sigh. I don't even know why i start doing all these now.. All i know, i never did reach the best standard that is set by Him and that hurt many... :( God Lord, if doing all these make me a great woman in You and be an example in the eyes of people, then by all means, break me and mold me according to Your image.. Break me badly for i want to carry that cross too. Amen.

Spelling Out Life... With Letting Go

It used to be scary but great to settle in. It came with a signal, but I kept it aside. It came humbly and I dreamt for more great things to come. But the signals came with the dreams I made but I kept it aside again. Stupid move, i know...but its just too good to let go. The Lord had to make it personal and made me choose. Like how I used to. A difficult choice.. A phase of trusting Him or a phase of my own strength. Sigh. Damn it. I dreamt so much. I wanted it to reach a perfect end badly. I still do. Guess all my excitement and my dreams just ended earlier than I thought. Sigh. Dear Lord, I pray that you let this be another testimony of faith for Your glory although it crushed me badly. I'm sad. SAD. :( okay, i may not see it now, i'm mourning. I'll be okay. Things will go okay. :)

"Joy, do you trust Me?"
"If you do, I'll make things beautiful"
"Joy, it's okay. Trust Me"

God, i'm THAT sad but i've been in this position before, therefore I'll work out n build up my character with Your guidance, once again. In Jesus most precious name, amen. :')

I'm sorry, I just had to let it go and trust Him. :'(

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Spelling Out Life... with Family Love

today, i learnt one thing about family love through a conversation with a friend of mine.

sometimes, when your friend or stranger is close to your family, i think we shouldn't feel so bad about it. instead, give thanks to God for opening up a way in the heart for that friend of yours to have hope in the future (who knows he/she has a bad family background or has trust issues) or to even love again in the future, through the love that is shown by your family now. You'll not only have new family members, you have more stories to share and God will surely bless all that relationships formed! He always fill the children' cups until they overflow... so why don't you give some to those who are empty or half empty? :)

who knows, that's the only chance for them to feel something again. we just need to lend our home and know that God places that stranger there for growth purposes. We just need to give unconditional love and let God do the rest. Isn't that what Christian Love is all about? :)

In gratitude to the Lim family.
~ Uncle Lewis, Aunty Flora, Celine, Nicholas, Adeline ~

Note to the Lims:
If you guys weren't patient enough with me in 2006, I doubt that I'll find the word "family" in my life dictionary ever again. But I thank God that I was thick-face enough and you were brave enough to take me in. HAHAHA. I thank God for every moment that He has blessed me with through your family. :) I love all of you! XOXOXOXOXO! An XO for each members! hahaha

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Spelling Out Life... with Jesus

I accidentally saw a page by this Indonesian on Facebook, it said in Bahasa Indonesia that Jesus HAS to be crucified. I agreed to that. Even the Pharisees knew He had to be crucified because He was different and that scared him. That Indonesian created a page to condemn Jesus, stated that Jesus HAD to be crucified, He DID die like the rest of the human being and what kind of God died? :) I figure that guy didn't read the scripture well enough...

Dear Lord,
I ask that You speak to him through his discovery to You.
In Jesus name i pray,

Spelling Out Life... with Parents

I guess some parents are too caught up with so many problems that they just walk pass the blessings that their children give to them. It happens everywhere, trust me. Some parents would see the bad side of the kids more than the good things they do. Need me to entertain your humor? Let's put the kid in a drunkard scene and then put the kid in a sweeping-the-floor scene. Which one would the parents remember most? I'd choose the drunkard scene anytime, agree with me no?


I guess some parents are too caught up with so many works until they hear what the kids are saying on their mouth yet never listen enough to know their heart. Please, I'm being subjective here, I'm not in a place to judge cause I have no kids, that's true. No kids so you think that I won't understand the difference. heh. Nonetheless, I find some parents are just too clouded with gloomy days that when kids say some things, they never really think it through. To them, it's not a problem.

Dear parents out there,
Can you please attend your kids' graduation no matter what your kids may say? Just because they say "oh, it's okay. I don't mind", don't buy it. We kids mind. MIND BIG TIME. hello, we study for a heck of long time to leave the school, you spent half a million on us studying and you are not there to watch us graduate, that's the worst thing you could do to your kid. trust me. Imagine if we never invite you to our wedding and that feeling you have is exactly how it feels like when you miss our graduation day. I'm not kidding.

K la,
that's all about it,
from a heart of a brokenhearted daughter.

Spelling Out Life... with Jeremiah Lian Liso

a guy of good heart but sometimes they don't see it.
a guy that works for the joy of it but they see pass it.
a guy that loves from within but only some see it.
a guy that wants attention but only some give it.
a guy that loves the family but too many dramas swallowing it.
a guy that enjoy building things but lack of supports discourage it.
a guy that speaks with softness and calmness somehow too many circumstances challenges it.
a guy of kind heart but most of the time, people take it over.
a guy of a crazily fun mind but situations never allow it.
a guy in an imperfect family, makes him the man that he is today.

I love you Miah!
I thank you for being ever so caring and so hardworking all these while... I'm proud to have you as a brother cause you are a blessing from God to me!