Spelling Out Life... with Calmness

I miss him less.

I realize that through him I learn more about myself.

I begin to see another side of myself that God has been dying to show me.

I begin to grow even more closer to God.

I seek Him more now that I don't worry much about him.

I really thank God for this silent period.

I really thank God that I learn to have a little bit of self-control.

I really thank God for being so funny. :D

I really thank God for him.

I want to see more down the road.

and yes, I trust Him.

if you ask bout him, no, i don't trust him yet.

hahahahah.

you can't expect new friendship can develop trust that quick, no?

the beginning of this friendship is starting out fine.

Just hope it maintains!

I really really like this guy. Heh.

I'm looking forward to talk to him this new year. :)

Continuing to pray.

OHHHHH!!!

God is really cute in making me see different things throughout this silent period.

very cool indeed. :D

Spelling Out Life... with Lust, Infatuation, Love

please let this infatuation phase go. I need the love phase instead of the infatuation part. thank you very much.

LOL.

Spelling Out Life... with being in love?

Lord, I know i'm in this stupid state of having head over heels on that guy. Honestly Lord, I don't know what to do but PLEASE guard my heart and his. Let us not rush into anything at all. Make me single for the next 5 years or so until I know what is in my heart and his, IF he's the right one. Haih. I'm not worried about relationship anymore but rather worried of myself. Keep me safe in Your hands oh Lord and uh, keep my eyes on You alone for now. Let that guy grow in you as well before making him thinking into something big.

Lord, everything You did to us was rather scary in a sense that I've never been put in that kind of situation before. You gave me the same thought that You've placed in his heart. You gave me the same conviction that You've placed in his heart... You placed them right in our hearts, right on the same day but just different moments. I really don't know why did You do that! It's scary yet mysterious in so many ways! LOL. But then kan God, whatever it is, let everything I do now, I surrender them unto Your hands. I'm scared Lord.

I don't know if this is a good thing but I want to see more of You in this period of life. Guide me through. I'm excited but I know You make everything else happens before this so that I'll come to this phase... Question is why? Why?

"Trust Me, Joy"

Spelling Out Life... with Falling out of love

Dear Lord, kill me. please let me dislike this guy. amen. hahahaahaha

Spelling Out Life... With Falling in love

for a moment there, i fell in love with a guy whom i spent 22hrs with. Heh. I'll get over it soon. Falling in means i can fall out of it. The end.

Spelling Out Life... with Christmas 2010

Lord, hear my prayer, I want to spend my Christmas 2010 with my loved ones in Melaka. Can send someone to get me a ride there, to and fro? :) that would be the perfect gift.

Spelling Out Life... with Broken Puzzles

"Tikkun olam.”


Exactly. Basically, it says that the world has been broken into pieces. All this chaos, all this discord. And our job - everyone’s job - is to try to put the pieces back together. To make things whole again.”


And you believe that?”


I guess I do. I mean, I don’t know how the world broke. And I don’t know if there’s a God who can help us fix it. But the fact that the world is broken - I absolutely believe that. Just look around us. Every minute - every single second - there are a million things you could be thinking about. A million things you could be worrying about. Our world - don’t you feel we’re becoming more and more fragmented? I used to think that when I got older, the world would make so much more sense. But you know what? The older I get, the more confusing it is to me. The more complicated it is. Harder. You’d think we’d be getting better at it. But there’s just more and more chaos. The pieces - they’re everywhere. And nobody knows what to do about it. I find myself grasping, Nick. You know that feeling? That feeling when you just want the right thing to fall into the right place, not only because it’s right, but because it will mean that such a thing is still possible? I want to believe in that.”


Do you really think it’s getting worse? I mean, aren’t we better off than we were twenty years ago? Or a hundred?”


We’re better off. But I don’t know if the world’s better off. I don’t know if the two are the same thing.”


You’re right.”


Excuse me?”


I said, ‘You’re right.’”


But nobody ever says, ‘You’re right.’ Just like that.”


Really?”


Really.”


…Then it hits me.


Maybe we’re the pieces,”


What?”


Maybe that’s it. With what you were talking about before. The world being broken. Maybe it isn’t that we’re supposed to find the pieces and put them back together. Maybe we’re the pieces. Maybe, what we’re supposed to do is come together. That’s how we stop the breaking.”


"Tikkun olam."

— David Levithan (Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist)

As I read this quote from another writer's blog, i just knew deep inside each one of us is a puzzle piece specially made to complete one amazing picture, that one beautifully crafted artwork made by God Himself.. It may take up a whole generation or more even to form something visible for all to make sense of out of, it may even need millions of years just to justify all the never-ending questions of the infamous Wh- whys, where, hows etc, but of course, it all strips down to a single unit that makes all the other units running, which is you and I.


Sigh.


If there is that one moment in my life, or maybe uncountable moments, that I ever felt anything less worthy of God or myself (in which of course I always do in teeming times), I guess I just need to suck in my utter stupidity and utmost foolishness and just begin to believe in that slightest hope of me being on earth does make a difference in the eyes of God... and you know what, by solely believing in that alone, it does make my puzzle piece connects to others' pieces and somehow complete this fool's flustering thoughts. :)


AH.


I'm leaving to Kuala Lumpur tomorrow morning and I wonder if my presence in Miri for the past few days make a difference in somebody's life. One thing for sure, all the conversation I had these couple weeks made me learn a lot more about myself than before... There goes all the puzzle pieces huh. :)



It's pitter-patterly raining outside... I'm still yet awake. to see another new adventure evolves itself in the daylight to come and the days to arrive...



I just hope I'll make it to Melaka for Christmas this year. God, I'm poor. I don't have anyone to celebrate my 2010 Christmas with this year if I don't make it for Melaka. :) Rejoice. what a hard word to swallow in right now.


Rejoice and the whole world rejoice with you.


amen.


Lord, I don't want huge presents but I just want enough cash to carry me until next year. Sigh. Is there anyone wanna bank in some money for me? LOL. I WISH.

Spelling Out Life... with the 3rd song

i practiced piano for the 3rd time... just some simple chords - A, B, C, D, E, F, G. and some chords with the # thing. HAHAHAHAHA. I think they are called Sharp? Hahahaha. I have no bloody idea.

Yesterday I learnt a new song "Sanctuary (Lord Prepare Me)". :) I tried playing the melody part but mind you, susah wei!!! it took me an hour just to get a hang of both the melody and not melody part! heh. initially i thought it was a bad idea playing a new song but heck, it was addictive. I'll try to play a song daily, IF i have a piano wherever I am anyway. :) I'll try to work that one out. :)

I'm happy! hahahaha..

I love the piano! :)

Piano makes people happy.

I'm gonna treat my parents lunch today. I've gotten my Sushi King pay a week ago, might as well I bless them with a meal. Hahahahahha. *budak soleha ba kononnya* hahahahhahaah..











Today, I wanna learn "This is my desire". :)

Spelling Out Life... with photography

I used to be wedding photographer.



I want to brush up on my skills again.



is there anyone wanna hire me to shoot your courting period for free?



Hahaahahahahaha..

Spelling Out Life... with Sower

You seem like putting me as an option. After talking to a friend, I realized all guys are the same; same in terms of not wanting to have anything to do with their ex-es. I don't know if it happens to you, that is. I wonder if the things I did or said make any difference?

You seem like taking my treatments for granted. I used to take everything else for granted, not you though, but it all came back to me when u treat me as how I treated the rest. I will always care for you..


.
.
.
.
.
.
.


You seem happy. content. better word, surprisingly moved on. I never knew it's easy for you. I never knew you won't fight back. I never knew you just let go easily. Pretty much like another you. I was hoping that along this road, you'll drop by to say hie, but ah well, the sower has to reap her own fruit huh. I'll always miss you la.


For me, I'm content that I'm with my own shadow. But yea, it just suck to have you on my mind and I can't do nothing about. sigh. sleepy now. nite.

Spelling Out Life... with New Academic Calendar

SEMESTER I, 2011/2012 SESSION

REGISTRATION OF NEW STUDENTS : 04/09/2011 (Sunday)
(LOCAL & INTERNATIONAL)

REGISTRATION OF NEW STUDENTS : 06/09/2011 (Tuesday)
(EX-CFS)

LECTURES : 12/09/2011 - 06/11/2011 8 weeks (Monday) (Sunday)

BREAK : 07/11/2011 - 13/11/2011 1 week (Monday) (Sunday)

LECTURES : 14/11/2011 - 25/12/2011 6 weeks (Monday) (Sunday)

REVISION PERIOD : 26/12/2011 - 28/12/2011 3 days (Monday) (Wednesday)

EXAMINATION PERIOD: 29/12/2011 - 15/01/2012 2 weeks 4 days (Thursday) (Sunday)

INTER SEM. VACATION: 16/01/2012 - 06/02/2012 3 weeks 1 day (Monday) (Monday)

NOTES :

• ‘Eid Ul-Fitr 30 - 31 August 2011 Tuesday - Wednesday

• National Day 31 August 2011 Wednesday

• Malaysia Day 16 September 2011 Friday

• Sultan of Pahang’s Birthday 24 October 2011 Monday

• Deepavali 26 October 2011 Wednesday

• ‘Eid Ul-Adha 6 – 7 November 2011 Sunday – Monday

• 1 Muharram 27 November 2011 Sunday

• Sultan Selangor’s Birthday 11 December 2011 Sunday

• Christmas Day 25 December 2011 Sunday

• New Year 1 January 2012 Sunday

• Chinese New Year 23 – 24 January 2012 Monday - Tuesday

• Maulidur Rasul 5 February 2012 Sunday

School Holidays 27 Aug 2011 - 4 Sept 2011 Saturday - Sunday
School Holidays 19 Nov 2011 - 1 Jan 2012 Saturday – Sunday








Honestly... I hate the new calendar. The thought of NO FREAKING CHRISTMAS is NOT FAIR. I do love the thought of attracting international students but what the heck, no Christmas, No New Year!!!!!! Sighhhhhhhh... What say you?

Spelling Out Life... with little ones

she read his msgs. she found it rather interesting.. why? she texted her. asking to not tell him. LOL. that's what makes things interesting. perhaps she won't go and see her for now. she read her and his msgs. she has the upper hand but she doesn't want to make her look bad. ah. little ones with big world. she will just let it slip. heh. little ones.

Spelling Out Life... with a chicken

I followed my cousin Esther to the shop near her house just to get some groceries... We decided to pull a joke at the owner of the shop! LOL.





E: Tauke, mau setengah ayam.
Tauke: Okey. *pass chicken to the butcher*
Me: Ask her if the chicken is a female or not.
E: HAHAHAHAHAHAH. *trying hard to look serious* erm tauke, itu ayam betina ka?
Tauke: Ha? *surprised*
E: Itu ayam betina ka? *act innocent*
Tauke: *asks the sister in chinese* eh, the chicken is a male or female?
Tauke sis: *turns the chicken around, looks at the butt* female.
Tauke: betina la. Kenapa?
E: tada papa.. tanya saja. *Holding the breath of laughter in*
Me: *laugh nonstop* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH







Funny wei. You should have seen the lady's face when we asked that question. Hahaahahahahahahaahahahahah

Spelling Out Life... with Pretty Amazing!

I had a girl talk with my godsis one night and here is a glimpse of our conversation. Just a peek. LOL



Me: ...That would be pretty amazing!
Miss C: I know! I'm pretty and amazing!
Me: Hahaahahaha.. Imagine if there's a guy somewhere, and we go up to him and say that "I'm pretty. You're hot. so, that makes us pretty hot eh?"
Miss C: Pretty *point to self*. Hot *right eyebrow rises whilst looking at the guy*. Pretty hot!



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
HAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA..

Spelling Out Life... with random piano lesson!

on the 13th of Dec, I finally, yes, FINALLY, played the piano with proper guidance and keys or notes! Hahahahaha. For the first time in my life, I played 2 songs with a piano!!!!! hahahahaahahaha. I never even know the notes of the piano thingy in the first place, what more to say playing them. LOL. INTERESTING MUCH WEIIIII.. i REALLY thank God for that! I never knew playing a musical instrument can be EXTREMELY awesome! Imagine the songs one can produce with the knowledge of playing the musical instruments! mannnnn.. I should have learnt the piano when I was a kid!!!!!! ggaaaahhhhhh... I never knew playing the piano is really really awesome! It was hard but I find that great joy from within, just by playing the piano!



Thank you God for the desire to play for You. Thank you God for having Rivka teaching me how to play the piano today! :D Thank you God for being really really really creative! Lord, can I have the gift of playing musical instruments for You? I'd like to bless people around me with it. :) In Jesus' name I pray, amen.




*Hugs*


Ah yes, I played "Till I see You" and "My Redeemer Lives"



:)

Spelling Out Life... with a bus

Another interesting conversation between my friend and I.






Mr A: I'll pick you up at the Kajang KTM bus stop.
Me: Oh.. The one next to the roadside? hrmmm... But come to think of it, aren't all bus stops are next to the road side?
Mr A: AMAZING. You are amazingly smart.
Me: HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH..

Spelling Out Life... with Mehhhhhhhhh

This post is ultimately lame. LOL.



My dream Guy
___________


cute and cuddly.



hahhahahahahaha...





told you its lame. I'm emotionless. I fear commitment so don't ever speak about me getting into a relationship anytime soon. I wonder why I even was in 2 before. Stupid child. Coz it's for smart people. Hahaahahahahah.. I fear falling in and out of love too. I miss him badly but I don't need any male supporters. right. I just want attention and it can be solved easily. right. The end. I just realized this thing won't cut out for me. uhuh. I'm just being emotional now. mehhhhhh...





Told you this post is lame.
XD

Spelling Out Life... with I Wont Even Start Lyric

What happened
after last summer
when we broke up
in September

I havent seen you
Feels like a long time
Sometimes it still hurts
But I always get by

I still got a piece of you under my skin
Its always there no matter where Ive been

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didnt see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

I wish you luck
And I wish it true
Thats the best
I can do for you

Cuz youll probably find love
In someone new
I have to let go
Yeah its hard to do

So if I run into you with your arm by his side
Just know itll cut me like a knife

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didnt see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

For some reason, this song really hits me. I'm still learning to let time passes by rather fast and learn to not remember although you're still in the head. ALL THE TIME. So yeah, perfect song for now.





"Because if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start"
- David Choi

:(

Spelling Out Life... with Heartbeats

your heartbeat. I miss dearly.

Spelling Out Life... with Valentine

"If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were." - Kahlil Gibran.

I've let it go, so many times but it comes back pretty much all the time when I need it most. :) Last night was another mind challenging session but it was awesome. I never knew this quote came into my mind! Of all the places and time! Heh. So let's just wait for the right timing. Even if it adds another 5 years to it, I just hope I'm ready for it. Dear Lord, you know my heart and do carry me through these coming years. :) Amen.

Spelling Out Life... with Malaysia

Feeling patriotic is good but being a Malaysia is another.

Being asked to love the country is good but being lead by a crappy leader is another.

Being asked to develop our minds and thinking is great but being constraint under ridiculous contradicting laws is another.

Being asked to be in a political party is good too but being backstabbed by fellow power-greed seniors is another.

Being asked to vote is a great one but being paid RM10-RM30 for a vote is another.

Being asked to make a change in Malaysia is the best one can think of but not having the voice be heard is another.


Ready to be changed?

Spelling Out Life... with Sensitivity In Malaysia

As I went online on my mobile to check on my emails, this stumbled on the screen. Honestly, if you ask me, I find some Malaysian "leaders" are rather childish and sensitive bunch of old people. Sorry to say lah. Truthfully, why are you so scared and be SO SO hurt from people's comments and remarks about yourself? You know yourself and you don't have to ban a social network over somebody's cruel remarks about you. Be humble lah. I find it rather stupid for leaders to have a sense of insecurity when God already place you in that position to guide all sort people with vast kind of funny characters! Does it ever occur to you when you lead, you WILL lead people of different walks of life and with different point of view? How on bloody earth did you get up there in the ruling platform without knowing and accepting the fact that there WILL be consequences of being mock in the future time? Hello, a Malaysian leader should first understand there ARE MILLIONS of citizens which (sorry to make you realize now), apparently are beautifully made and wonderfully made by God of WHICH everyone is UNIQUE, WHICH you should (by now) ACCEPT the fact that PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT BRAINS, DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES and VIEWS OF LIFE. These old folks SERIOUSLY need a time off la... Time off to sit down and watch Simpsons, South Park, Power Rangers, go to a jazz lounge and just take your "superior" neon bulb which is planted on your forehead, off your head! Understand the people. Sit with them. Talk to them. That is why teachers, church ministers, Buddhist gurus, Hindu teachers and Imam have MORE followers than the politic leaders! Oh but of course, you may not know this fact because you are so caught up in yourself that you get VERY hurt from comments. Please la, if a 14 year-old kid can get over somebody calling her fat-ugly-loner-pighead-big bumps-acne girl on Facebook after a short period and WITHOUT TELLING THE MINISTRY TO BAN THE NETWORK, why can't you let go since being old, I ought to believe that you tasted MORE salt-sugar-spices-pepper than us kids?



Come to think of it, did Muhammad quarrel back when people segregate him for being right? Did Prophet Isa Al-Masih ever in His life deny Himself and hate people when everybody else stoned-whipped-hanged him for being true? Did these people ever get OH-SO-OFFENDED by our actions? No! Instead, they were sadden! You know the drill, I don't have to explain more. But at the end of the day, don't fight with stupidity with even more stupidity, that just proves you're not so much of a leader anyway.


If, by any of these comments are very STILL unacceptable by you leaders, I don't know what will happen to Malaysia. Ban this and that over comments. No wonder we are still in the mind of a third-world country. You just officially make your ever-bright citizens to be stupid not think for themselves. Congratulation.

Spelling Out Life... with Personal Jet Plane

Dear Lord, I know this sounds rather ridiculous but I'd like to ride in a personal jet plane at least once in my life. I want to know how does it feel like to be in one of them... :D Can? oh, First Class seating as well. Can ka? Can ka? :) This is the tiny dream of a young poor girl. If I don't have any of these chances, it's okay though. At least a girl can dream right? :)


xoxo.
Your Daughter.

Spelling Out Life... with Changes

National Conference 2010, what can I say about it?

RISK IT. U-TURN!

All I know, I had tremendous fun learning about our God and worshiping HIM, together with other 489 people in the camp! Awesome worship sessions, crazy British preaching sessions, mind blowing workshops, engaging games session and superb food all the time! *God bless Bayu Beach Resort!* The best part of all, God made everyone present just so we would impact one another in the little things we do... Yes, I learnt a LOT from my new friends there, surprisingly! :)

Initially I went with a heavy hardened heart, thinking that it would be just another camp but of course, I went with a heart that longs for rest and a heart that wants to listen. The good news, physical wise, not so much of rest, but spiritually wise, I'm VERY at rest! :) And yes, I listened and I grasped the gist of everything! I know He spoke in my heart in the littlest way that He knows I will respond to. :) thank You Lord. :) I had the best retreat ever! God is awesome and so surreal! gahh.. I'm in love and refreshed!

I made my fair share of mistakes over the past few days, weeks and months. I know I've caused many to question my intentions, my trust and my way of living, which are unrighteous. I fall badly and I get hurt. I'm always delusional and uncertain. I'm always indecisive and consequences suck big time. I know I suck pretty much in every way but one thing that I believe strongly, He changes me through the failures. He made sure I go through all the delusional decisions and actions just to prepare me for His glory. He made sure I HAVE to got through all those with Him! Funny God I'm having huh? Very fun and loving Father whom never leave. :) He's to me, the best father, the best friend and the ever faithful and loving God.. :)

Lesson learnt?
- Trust Him although you are heart-hardened.
- Believe in His Spirit that He'll change your heart.
- Why settle to be God's second best
- Let go of something you love for Him and believe Him. He'll carry you through it.
- Seek His heart and I'll grow.
- Most importantly, be still and rest in His arms. :)


Thank You Daddy.


ohhh! at the end of the conference, I learnt:
I'm just foolish young girl who is in the process of becoming the great woman He wanted me to be!