Spelling Out Life... with lost and not found

I'm currently at the stage where I deliberately run away from the work of God, the grace of God and the love of God.

If you want to know how I feel or think, here is the list:

1. I'm lost. spiritually.

2. I lost vision of what a woman of God should be like.

3. I lost vision of what a Christian is.

4. I lost the strength that wakes me up every morning.

5. I'm sad that I'm not serving in church at the moment.

6. I'm sad that I don't feel joy in doing anything.

7. I feel empty.

8. I'm going crazy inside.

9. I'm down.

10. I feel broken every day.

11. I don't anticipate for anything. nothing interests me anymore.

12. I miss worshiping God in an awesome wondrous manner.

13. I feel dead inside.

14. I don't experience the fruit of the Spirit and that hurts me.

15. I feel empty.

16. I miss God.

17. I'm dried up.

18. I feel as if I live to waste oxygen.

I'm at the stage where I want to go home and see my daddy God and say "Daddy, I'm tired. Carry me to my room, can?'' and i dont know what to do now.